The purse, above all else, serves a practical purpose. Though designed as a fashionable accessory, it is primarily a simple bag to put your stuff in. Men often scoff at a woman’s need to have her purse on-hand at all times, but the fact is that there’s a lot of stuff in there she’ll use throughout her day. Who the hell wants to carry that crap around in their pockets?
What of men’s crap, though? Though few of us have need of mascara and tampons, many would be thankful for a place to keep our wallets, telephones, keys, game boys and other assorted items. Pockets (a woman’s general lack of which is not, I don’t think, appreciated by men) serve their purpose, but the fact is they are better-suited to folded pieces of paper than today’s ubiquitous cellular telephones. Nothing will ruin a man’s look quite like a phone or wallet lumping its way out the side of his thigh (or his ass).
Jackets often have hidden pockets in the lining; using them is a good way to give yourself an unnatural, top-heavy look (though, to be fair, some cell phones are pretty slim these days). You could always try the two outer pockets... if you want to wreck your jacket over time with a bulky wallet slowly, inexorably stretching out and wearing the fabric down (side note: never unstitch your jacket's outer pockets). In any event, few men wear jackets all day, every day; a permanent solution is needed for any man at any time. Enter the male purse.
Few things are as maligned as the male purse, but my question is: why? Why do men decry and mock as effeminate the one thing that would immediately make simpler the lives of every man on the planet? Of course, it cannot be denied that male purses (or “murses,” if you must) in their current form are in every way ridiculous: straps too long and thick, the bags large enough to secret an adult raccoon, all available in nothing but the colour black. In an effort to mark them as distinct from their female counterparts, male purses have been made comically bulky and ugly. Why design something to be the precise opposite of an item that has worked well for half the population for generations?
The male purse must be rethought. It must be redesigned and made as attractive as possible. It must become an object that men want to wear. We are notoriously self-defeating people; faced with the incontrovertible fact that men need purses, we will continue to walk around like morons, stuffing our sharp and bulky keys into our jean pockets and sitting down on our wallets all day long until something is done.
Someone must stand up for the male purse. Just as only Nixon could go to China, so too must the most virile, masculine man begin to wear a purse around. Imagine the sea change if Russel Crowe or Daniel Craig was seen sporting a fetching blue purse? How far would the cause be advanced if Ray Winston or Gerard Butler, starlet on arm, walked around town with a dark brown purse over the shoulder? What minds would be changed to see Jon Hamm or Liam Neeson rummaging for change through a lime green bag at the waist? It wouldn’t be long before men everywhere began to take notice and realize that, they, too, could carry all their crap around in a convenient bag at their side.
What of men’s crap, though? Though few of us have need of mascara and tampons, many would be thankful for a place to keep our wallets, telephones, keys, game boys and other assorted items. Pockets (a woman’s general lack of which is not, I don’t think, appreciated by men) serve their purpose, but the fact is they are better-suited to folded pieces of paper than today’s ubiquitous cellular telephones. Nothing will ruin a man’s look quite like a phone or wallet lumping its way out the side of his thigh (or his ass).
Jackets often have hidden pockets in the lining; using them is a good way to give yourself an unnatural, top-heavy look (though, to be fair, some cell phones are pretty slim these days). You could always try the two outer pockets... if you want to wreck your jacket over time with a bulky wallet slowly, inexorably stretching out and wearing the fabric down (side note: never unstitch your jacket's outer pockets). In any event, few men wear jackets all day, every day; a permanent solution is needed for any man at any time. Enter the male purse.
Few things are as maligned as the male purse, but my question is: why? Why do men decry and mock as effeminate the one thing that would immediately make simpler the lives of every man on the planet? Of course, it cannot be denied that male purses (or “murses,” if you must) in their current form are in every way ridiculous: straps too long and thick, the bags large enough to secret an adult raccoon, all available in nothing but the colour black. In an effort to mark them as distinct from their female counterparts, male purses have been made comically bulky and ugly. Why design something to be the precise opposite of an item that has worked well for half the population for generations?
The male purse must be rethought. It must be redesigned and made as attractive as possible. It must become an object that men want to wear. We are notoriously self-defeating people; faced with the incontrovertible fact that men need purses, we will continue to walk around like morons, stuffing our sharp and bulky keys into our jean pockets and sitting down on our wallets all day long until something is done.
Someone must stand up for the male purse. Just as only Nixon could go to China, so too must the most virile, masculine man begin to wear a purse around. Imagine the sea change if Russel Crowe or Daniel Craig was seen sporting a fetching blue purse? How far would the cause be advanced if Ray Winston or Gerard Butler, starlet on arm, walked around town with a dark brown purse over the shoulder? What minds would be changed to see Jon Hamm or Liam Neeson rummaging for change through a lime green bag at the waist? It wouldn’t be long before men everywhere began to take notice and realize that, they, too, could carry all their crap around in a convenient bag at their side.
